FIFO Relationships: Love Across Distance, Dirt, and Determination
- Catherine Christie
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
A Perth couples therapist on what really keeps FIFO relationships strong
If you live in Western Australia, FIFO isn’t a job. It’s a lifestyle.And if you love someone who flies in and out for work, you already know this truth in your bones.
FIFO relationships are not “normal” relationships with a twist. They are their own ecosystem. Different rhythms. Different pressures. Different heartbreaks. Different strengths.
As a couples therapist in Perth, and someone who works extensively with FIFO couples, I can tell you this with absolute certainty: FIFO relationships don’t fail because partners don’t love each other enough. They struggle because the structure itself is demanding, relentless, and emotionally asymmetric.
One person is holding down home life. The other is holding down survival mode. And both are exhausted in different ways.
When FIFO works, it works beautifully. When it doesn’t, it can unravel quietly, painfully, and often with a sense of “How did we even get here?”
The invisible weight FIFO couples carry
FIFO couples live with a constant cycle of connection and separation. Just as you settle back into each other, someone is packing again. This repeated emotional whiplash creates strain that many couples underestimate.
Common themes I hear in FIFO relationship counselling include:
“I feel like a single parent half the time.”
“We argue more when they come home than when they’re away.”
“I don’t want to burden them when they’re on site.”
“I feel shut out of what’s happening at home.”
“We love each other, but we’re disconnected.”
None of these mean your relationship is broken. They mean your relationship is under pressure.
FIFO couples often delay seeking support because they assume the problem is distance. Or time. Or roster changes. Or exhaustion.
In reality, it’s usually about communication patterns, unmet emotional needs, and a lack of shared tools to navigate a very unshared lifestyle.
Why FIFO relationships need different skills
FIFO relationships require more than love. They require intentional structure.
What works for couples who see each other daily often fails spectacularly in FIFO dynamics. “We’ll talk later” doesn’t work when later is ten days away. Avoiding conflict doesn’t work when unresolved tension sits simmering across thousands of kilometres.
Successful FIFO couples learn to:
Communicate clearly without mind-reading
Repair conflict quickly and safely
Stay emotionally connected while physically apart
Transition smoothly between “away mode” and “home mode”
Avoid the trap of saving everything for swing change
And here’s the part that often surprises people: FIFO couples who invest in relationship education early tend to thrive. Those who wait until things are breaking down often feel blindsided by how far apart they’ve drifted.
The homecoming paradox
One of the most common pain points in FIFO relationships is the homecoming.
People expect relief, intimacy, and reconnection. What they often get is tension, misalignment, and arguments over things as small as how the dishwasher is loaded.
Why?
Because one partner has adapted to independence. The other has adapted to hyper-structure. Both have changed slightly, and neither has had time to recalibrate.
This is not failure. It’s biology, habit, and nervous systems doing what they do best. But without awareness and skills, it can quietly erode closeness.
FIFO couples don’t need blame. They need tools.
As a therapist specialising in FIFO relationships, my focus is never on who’s right or wrong. FIFO is hard on both partners, just in different ways.
What actually helps is learning:
How to have difficult conversations without escalation
How to feel emotionally close when physically apart
How to stop having the same argument on every swing
How to rebuild trust, intimacy, and teamwork
How to feel like partners again, not parallel lives
And yes, sometimes that means learning to laugh again. Because if FIFO couples don’t find moments of humour, the seriousness can become suffocating.
I often say: FIFO relationships are not doomed. But they are demanding. And demand requires skill.
Why FIFO Relationship Counselling and Coaching HELPS - Real Skills and Tools for Real Change
If this is your relationship, know this: you’re not failing. You’re navigating something genuinely complex. And with the right support, FIFO relationships can be deeply resilient, connected, and strong.
Distance doesn’t break relationships. Disconnection does. And disconnection can be repaired.
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