Can AI Really Fix Relationships? A Couples Counsellor’s Honest Take from Perth

Can AI be my Couples Counsellor?

If you had asked me even three years ago whether artificial intelligence would play a meaningful role in relationship coaching and therapy, I might have raised an eyebrow, paused, and said “possibly… but cautiously.”

Fast forward to now, and the question is no longer if AI belongs in this space, but how.

Couples are already using AI to draft breakup texts, analyse arguments, interpret attachment styles, and even decide whether their relationship is “worth saving.” Many arrive in my room armed with ChatGPT insights, personality frameworks, and algorithmic reassurance. Some are clearer than ever. Others are more confused, polarised, or quietly absolved of responsibility.

So let me be very clear from the outset, as an experienced couples counsellor in Perth with nearly a decade in private practice.

AI can support relationships. AI cannot repair them.

And understanding that difference matters more now than ever.

What AI does surprisingly well

I am not anti-AI. In fact, I use it thoughtfully myself.

AI is excellent at psychoeducation. It can explain attachment theory in plain language, outline common communication traps, and help people put words to feelings they have never been taught to name. For many individuals, especially men who were never socialised to speak emotionally, this alone can be revolutionary.

AI can also act as a mirror. It reflects patterns back to us. It highlights recurring conflict themes. It helps people slow down, organise thoughts, and prepare for difficult conversations.

In a world where relationship education is still not taught in schools, this accessibility has genuine value.

But here’s the crucial distinction.

A mirror is not a relationship.

Where AI fundamentally falls short

Real relationship repair does not happen in language alone.

It happens in the nervous system. It happens in timing. It happens in silence. It happens in the micro-moment when one partner softens, or when accountability finally lands.

AI cannot read a room. It cannot sense when a partner is dissociating, flooding, shutting down, or bracing for attack. It cannot interrupt a destructive dynamic in real time. It cannot hold ethical responsibility when power, trauma, or coercive control are present.

Most importantly, AI cannot offer containment.

In couples counselling, especially when relationships are distressed, containment is everything. It is the difference between a hard conversation that heals and one that does harm. It is the regulated presence of a third party who can slow things down, keep both people emotionally safe, and guide repair rather than escalation.

No algorithm can do that.

The hidden risk nobody is talking about

Here is what concerns me most as a clinician.

AI can unintentionally collude with avoidance.

It can validate without challenging. It can reinforce a person’s existing narrative rather than gently expanding it. It can be used as a referee, a weapon, or a shield against accountability.

I have seen couples where one partner says, “Even AI agrees with me,” as though growth were a popularity contest rather than a relational process.

Relationships do not break down because one person is right and the other is wrong. They break down because repair, empathy, and responsibility stop flowing.

And repair requires another human nervous system to co-regulate with yours.

Why demand for couples counselling will actually increase

There is a fear in my profession that AI will replace therapists, coaches, and counsellors. I see the opposite.

As life becomes more digital, the hunger for real connection intensifies.

People are more isolated, more overwhelmed, more dysregulated, and more relationally unskilled than ever before. FIFO work, financial pressure, blended families, parenting stress, trauma histories, and the erosion of community all place enormous strain on intimate relationships.

AI may help people understand what is going wrong.

But understanding is not transformation.

Transformation happens in relationship.

That is why I believe the future of couples counselling in Perth, and globally, is not replacement but integration. Ethical practitioners will use AI as a support tool, while remaining firmly grounded in human presence, lived experience, and relational intelligence.

The human edge that cannot be automated

After thousands of hours sitting with couples, I can tell you this with confidence.

Healing does not happen when someone finally finds the right words. It happens when someone feels truly seen.

Seen in their fear.Seen in their shame.Seen in their longing.

That moment cannot be programmed.

It is felt.

And it is why, despite all technological advances, relationship counselling remains deeply human work.

A final word

If you are using AI to support reflection, learning, or preparation, wonderful. That curiosity is a strength.

But if your relationship is stuck, fragile, or repeating the same painful patterns, please do not confuse information with repair.

We all need relationship education. Every single one of us.

And sometimes, the bravest and most effective step is sitting down with another human who knows how to guide the process safely.

That is where real change still happens.

If this topic resonates, it may well become a book one day. This conversation is only just beginning.

And I am very much here for it.

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