Gaslighting in Relationships: Recognising the Signs and How Couples Counselling Can Help
- Catherine Christie
- Apr 11
- 5 min read
Updated: May 24
Gaslighting in Relationships: Recognising the Signs and How Couples Counselling Can Help
Gaslighting is the second most searched relationship term in Australia. With this in mind, I’ve decided to write a blog on the topic, providing a clinical perspective and addressing how couples counselling, marriage counselling, and relationship coaching can support those struggling with this emotionally abusive tactic. If you're wondering if your relationship is impacted by gaslighting or if you're simply seeking guidance on how to navigate it, this blog will offer valuable insights.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that makes someone question their reality. The term originates from a 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her perceptions, memories, and sanity. In the context of relationships, gaslighting can occur in any type of partnership, whether romantic, familial, or platonic. It is particularly common in toxic or abusive relationships where one partner seeks control or dominance over the other.
In a gaslighting dynamic, the manipulative partner uses lies, denial, and misdirection to distort the victim’s sense of reality, making them doubt their feelings, thoughts, and memories. Over time, this can lead to significant emotional distress, diminished self-worth, and even mental health struggles like anxiety and depression.
The Signs of Gaslighting in Relationships
Recognising gaslighting can be difficult, especially when it’s happening within the context of a close relationship. The manipulative tactics can be subtle and gradual, but they ultimately aim to undermine the victim’s sense of reality and confidence. Here are some signs that gaslighting may be present in your relationship:
Constantly Doubting Yourself
If you find yourself constantly questioning your perceptions, thoughts, or memories, it could be a sign of gaslighting. The manipulative partner may regularly deny things they’ve said or done, leading you to believe that you’re overreacting or imagining things.
Feeling Confused or Disoriented
Gaslighting often leaves the victim feeling confused, unsure of what is real, and unable to trust their judgement. The gaslighter may use tactics such as denying events or changing their story, which can leave you feeling uncertain about what actually happened.
Being Blamed for Everything
In a gaslighting relationship, the victim is often made to feel responsible for things that aren’t their fault. The gaslighter may frequently accuse the victim of being too sensitive, irrational, or crazy, even when the victim is simply expressing legitimate concerns or emotions.
Constant Apologies
If you're apologising repeatedly for things you didn’t do, or if you feel the need to explain yourself all the time, it could be a result of gaslighting. The manipulative partner will often make you feel guilty for expressing yourself, causing you to over-apologise or second-guess your own feelings.
Isolating You from Friends or Family
Gaslighters may attempt to isolate their victims by creating tension in their relationships with friends or family. This isolation makes the victim more dependent on the gaslighter, which increases control and reduces external support.
Dismissing Your Emotions
A gaslighter often downplays or dismisses your feelings, telling you that you’re being “too emotional” or “crazy.” Over time, this constant invalidation can erode your self-esteem and confidence, making it more difficult for you to express your thoughts or emotions freely.
How Gaslighting Affects Your Relationship
Gaslighting has a profound impact on relationships. Whether it's a marriage, a long-term partnership, or any other romantic relationship, gaslighting can cause deep emotional harm and create an unhealthy dynamic. Here are some ways gaslighting negatively affects your relationship:
Breakdown of Trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and gaslighting erodes it completely. When one partner consistently manipulates the other, trust is shattered. The victim may start to question their partner’s intentions, and the manipulator becomes increasingly more believable. This breakdown in trust makes healthy communication and emotional intimacy difficult.
Increased Conflict and Stress
Gaslighting often leads to increased conflict and emotional stress within the relationship. One partner may feel they are never being heard or understood, leading to frustration and arguments. The victim may also become emotionally drained, struggling with anxiety and confusion.
Loss of Self-Worth
A victim of gaslighting may experience a significant loss of self-worth. Over time, being constantly made to doubt their own thoughts and perceptions can make them feel powerless and inadequate. This erodes their confidence and can cause them to question their ability to make decisions or trust their own emotions.
Emotional and Psychological Damage
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. The impact on mental health can be long-lasting, leading to conditions like anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Victims often feel alone and misunderstood, and they may struggle with their mental well-being as a result of the manipulation they experience in the relationship.
How Couples Counselling and Marriage Counselling Can Help
If you are in a relationship where gaslighting is taking place, couples counselling or marriage counselling can provide support in navigating these toxic dynamics. While it's essential to recognise that gaslighting requires intervention and healing, relationship coaching can also be an avenue to rebuild trust, communication, and emotional health. Here’s how professional help can assist:
Building Healthy Communication
In couples counselling, one of the primary goals is to rebuild communication between partners. Healthy communication is crucial in overcoming gaslighting, as it allows both parties to express their emotions, needs, and concerns openly. Therapy can provide a safe space for both partners to learn how to listen, validate each other’s feelings, and resolve conflicts constructively.
Rebuilding Trust
Marriage counselling can help partners rebuild trust after it’s been damaged by manipulation. Gaslighting undermines trust, but through therapy, couples can work on understanding each other’s perspectives, holding each other accountable, and gradually re-establishing trust. This process can take time, but it’s possible with the right support.
Creating Boundaries
In relationships where gaslighting occurs, setting boundaries is crucial. A therapist or relationship coach can help both partners understand and establish healthy boundaries. These boundaries help protect the emotional well-being of both individuals and prevent further manipulation or abuse.
Recognising and Addressing Emotional Abuse
Couples therapy can be helpful in recognising when a relationship is becoming emotionally abusive. If you or your partner are experiencing gaslighting, a trained counsellor can help you identify the behaviours that are harmful and explore strategies to stop them. Through counselling, couples can learn how to handle these situations and work towards a healthier, more supportive relationship.
Support for Healing and Recovery
For the victim of gaslighting, therapy provides a space to heal from the emotional and psychological damage caused by manipulation. Whether through individual therapy or as a couple, counselling can help both partners rebuild their mental health, regain confidence, and work on re-establishing a sense of self-worth.
How Relationship Coaching Can Guide You
In addition to couples or marriage counselling, relationship coaching can also help individuals navigate the complexities of gaslighting. A relationship coach can work with you to understand the dynamics in your relationship, identify patterns of manipulation, and help you develop the skills needed to improve communication, self-esteem, and emotional resilience.
Conclusion
Gaslighting is a serious issue that affects many relationships in Australia and around the world. If you or someone you know is experiencing this form of emotional manipulation, it’s important to seek help through couples counselling, marriage counselling, or relationship coaching. These professional services can provide the support you need to recognise unhealthy patterns, rebuild trust, and foster healthy communication. With the right tools and guidance, it’s possible to navigate the challenges of gaslighting and create a relationship that is based on mutual respect, understanding, and love.
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