I love you...But I am not "in love" with you!

Love Don’t Come Easy – But It’s Worth It!

There’s a song or even a saying “Love Don’t Come Easy”—and every time I hear that title, it reminds me of what I see every week in my counselling room.

It’s magical falling in love. The butterflies, the late-night conversations, the wild chemistry—it feels like the whole universe is conspiring to bring you together. But what’s even more magical, and what too few people prepare for, is staying in love. That part doesn’t happen by accident. It takes attention, intention, and yes—work.

As a couples counsellor, I hear this phrase often: “I love my partner, but I’m not in love anymore.” When I hear those words, I know I’m sitting with someone who hasn’t yet grasped that this stage of the journey is not a failure. It’s simply the natural transition every relationship goes through once the honeymoon glow fades. That “crazy in love” feeling in the early days? It’s actually an idealistic distortion—your brain on a chemical high! It was never meant to last forever.

The truth is, all relationships eventually land at this crossroads. And that’s when the real relationship begins. This is the moment where couples either drift apart—or lean in, dig deep, and choose to build something richer and more enduring than infatuation.

Love, as I often say to my clients, is a verb. It’s not just something we feel; it’s something we do. It’s the way we show up every day in the small, ordinary ways that matter: listening, encouraging, apologising, forgiving, and laughing together even when life is hard. Love is cooked meals, shared chores, holding hands in the supermarket, sending the text that says, “Thinking of you.”

When we think of love this way, we start to understand that “not being in love” doesn’t mean something is broken. It means the work is ready to begin. That’s when couples need to invest—not just in each other, but in learning the essential skills and tools to make their relationship strong. Relationship education isn’t just for couples in crisis; it’s for anyone who wants a healthy, joyful, and lasting partnership.

I like to call it becoming partners in crime for life. You’re not two perfect people floating on a permanent love high. You’re two very human individuals learning how to weave your lives together in a way that works. That’s why I encourage couples to embrace structured, evidence-based approaches like Prepare/Enrich, where you learn how to identify your strengths, work through your growth areas, and practice strategies that create connection, respect, and intimacy that endures.

Because here’s the truth: if you want the magic of “falling in love” to transform into the deeper magic of staying in love, you can’t just coast. You have to consciously invest.

So, when you hear someone sigh and say, “Love don’t come easy,” know that they’re right. It doesn’t. But that’s not a problem—it’s a gift. The effort you put in is what makes love strong, resilient, and beautiful. Easy things rarely last. But the things we nurture, tend to, and work for? They become treasures we never want to lose.

And there’s nothing more worthwhile than making your relationship one of those treasures.

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